In Gratitude

Another Thanksgiving Day has come and gone without much fanfare. It was a quiet day for us. We decided to stay home rather than go to a small gathering at a friend's house. There's been so much change, uncertainty, stress suddenly that Emma and I both felt the need to simply rest and continue to ground as we prepare for yet another move. Where are we moving? I don't really know; and after a couple of days of rest, it feels okay to simply rest in the not knowing and to trust. We may be moving into a house share in Berkeley ... this time the house is owned by a woman, and we'll go take a look tomorrow and meet Lenel, Keith Brown's sweetie and partner I think... not sure how they are defining their connection. They are traveling a lot, and she would like someone in the house. It will be good to sit down and talk, see what's what.

I feel a deep gratitude for the magic and mystery in life, its inherently wild and open essence. I am grateful for love and its boundless, infinite nature, for the creative impulse and well spring of passion and inspiration. May I do what life asks of me... what it calls me to do with courage and compassion, with strength and perseverance. May I hear its wild and subtle calling... forever wild.

I shared my last coaching session of 2008 with Margie yesterday. We talked about intentions and what needed to be completed in my life before the end of the year. There are lots of tasks pertaining to the business, home front, caring for my family, but she noticed there is very little that I named of a more personal nature. Sometimes her questions cut to the core of my longing, and as I told her I wished/hoped I would share a kiss with someone sweet, tears and emotions came up to surprise me. It seems so long since I have been kissed... really kissed.

Life's richness with its ever-changing nature, all its twists and turns, ups and downs, paradox and splendor leave me breathless and reeling ... leave me in awe at how quickly manifestation of desires and longings can occur... in ways and revelations one hasn't the vision to even imagine. Yes, life's abundance and energetic reach is fabulous.

I am grateful... for new friends and old friends. Angels of kindness circle around me with their beautiful loving way. I am proud to be woman, to be queer, to be lesbian ... finally I can say these words for the first time in my life out loud... at least in some contexts anyway. There are some amazing models of strong women out and proud close by me, all around me. With their loving arms and hands, with their songs and words of choice and freedom, I can grow and allow the deepest love and longings in my heart-mind to blossom, to reveal my true self and dance with others in the big, one love. Yes... it's Thanksgiving, but of a very different kind than any I have experienced before.

One day she will dance in my arms and hold my hands in hers. In the meantime, I'm enjoying this absolutely joyous love affair with myself. Once one tastes the sweet nectar of this delightful and constant inner realm of love, there is no turning back to naivete and not knowing. As Rumi said, Beloved you are always with me, and I welcome you warmly into my house, my sanctuary and garden of delights.

May all beings be free from suffering and find happiness. May Andrea be blessed for her kindness and the radiance of her smile that brightens my inner landscape with a beauty not to be forgotten. I shall plant this seed of gratitude and mark the spot with a spiral sea shell. May this magical flower of love grow for the rest of my days and nights fully ALIVE and AWAKE on my gorgeous Mother ... my blood, my Earth, my body, the great nurturer.